protecting their innocence

my thoughts are a bit scattered on this ...

i love the purity of children. it's true that we've all got sinful nature in us - but there's something so pure and genuine about little kids. jordan has a beautiful personality and i love her unguarded reactions to life. she will stare in awe at the beauty of the lights on a christmas tree and yell excitedly and bounce around after seeing a wallaby.

as a mom, i'm consumed with protecting my daughter. i need to let go and trust the Lord with her more. but at the same time, it's a built-in thing. so yes, i do watch her like a hawk when certain people are around her. i pray all the time that the Lord would bring loving people her way... people who will bring her closer to Him. it's scary that she repeats almost anything we say. and so when i think about protecting her innocence.. i think about watching what we say and do in front of her. in front of children in general. kids pick up everything. if you want to know a bad habit you have.. take a look at your kids. it's just a little you running around.

eventually jordan will be off to school and learning things from classmates - good and bad. until then, it's my job to make sure that she sees the best reflection of Christ possible in me. my prayer is that she will have enough of a foundation when she's in kindergarten to choose wisely. yes, even at 5 years old.

the heart of the Father

It's been a while since I've blogged - busy running around after Jordan while getting bigger by the minute. YUP! Number two is on the way! So in the meantime, while I still just have one that's out of the womb, I'm learning alot and enjoying the time I have with her.

Lessons learned (or maybe I should say in the process of learning):

1. I love my baby girl. And that word "love" means that I leave my heart out there with her and whenever she feels loved I revel in it. It also means that when she gets rejected or hurt, my heart is broken for her. And this is what I'm learning - I have a hard time handling rejection for my daughter whether it's by an adult or a little kid. Jordan, on the other hand, could care less. I'm thankful for that. And so, I have to be careful not to be overprotective because rejection is a part of life. But no parent would knowingly send their child into a situation knowing they'd be rejected. It goes against our instinct as parents. And this is why I've fallen even more in love with the Father. Knowing that Jesus had the perfect relationship in heaven with Him and the Holy Spirit - He sent His son to earth for us. Knowing that even the most devoted follower of Christ could not measure up to the perfect fellowship He already had... He sent His ONLY Son to earth. Knowing that He'd be rejected, despised and ultimately killed. He sent Him. I can't comprehend it. Except that God's love for humanity and justice run so deep that He allowed His Son to go through this temporary yet excruciating pain (which is an understatement) so that we might live in eternity with Him.

2. Discipline is tough. Jordan started to show signs of the "terrible twos" or "terrible toddler" phase - whatever you want to call it. But no matter what you name it, it's terrible. I realize i don't have much to complain about or worry about yet because she's still very agreeable. But we knew we needed something in place because she would not take no for an answer at times and she also would refuse to listen at times. The light hit on the hand just brought about laughter and would at times evoke a retaliation of the same sort. So we ended up trying time out. But time out with a 16 month old is like... a game. But we finally found our answer. The gated area. We gated off an area in our hallway and closed the doors. When she would hit or refuse, I would place her in there. The minute she went in there, she would hate it and when she came out she'd do a 180. Now don't get me wrong. She's only in there for a maximum of 1 minute. That's all she needs as she's only 1 year old. But I'm so thankful that there is a solution to the craziness. At least for now.

Eric

So today we went to the playground again in celebration of the almost 50 degree day and what do you know.. another friend! Eric is 3 years old and his mother is expecting another (i think... i didn't want to ask but her belly is looking preggers.) He was playing around and his mom was telling me how it was nice to get out because they've been in all week and sick. Whenever a mom hears "sick" her ears kind've perk up. I'm super concerned about germy kids because if Jordan gets sick that means sad times for her... and everybody in her path. She quickly added on that "he's not contagious". I mean, it's fine anyway because we're in the same playground not the same 4 x4 cell. There's room for those germs to fly around the fresh air. So Jordan and I continued to sit on the bench and watch the big kids play. Eric's dad however, wanted Eric to notice Jordan. He proceeed to say, "Look Eric! Baby!" So Eric comes over with some toy in his hand and honestly, it was the sweetest thing. He plops the toy in Jordan's lap and then moves away despite his mom telling him not to get too close. So I'm like "nice gesture kid but please don't share your germs" and at the same time I'm not wanting to ruin Jordan's chance to make new friends. So as I'm contemplating this life or death situation, we hold the little toy for a bit and then I hear his mom say "He's really into flashlights and we just bought that one yesterday". What a sweetie. Nobody told him to give it to her or to share.. he just wanted to share his practically brand new toy - and I figure I could make an exception for germs. This once.

What to Enjoy

Proverbs 22:6Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Jordan loves people. Anyone who's come over to our place knows that. I'm thankful for her love of people. When she hears the phone ring, and we walk to the door, she gets really excited. The other day, she was quite sad that I didn't invite the UPS man in for a chat. When people leave, she tries to follow them out the door. She doesn't have to know you for very long - in fact, if you say hi to her on the street she'll go nuts! What I personally get most amused by is her reaction to the photos on our fridge. It's as if her friends are right there with us in our kitchen. She's like this by the grace of God.

But I'm glad she enjoys being with people and I'm hoping to immerse her in things that will be healthy for her to enjoy. As of now, she's way to young to watch TV although I'll admit that I recently allowed her to while I cut her fingernails. It keeps her still for the 2 minutes I need.

Instead of tv, we choose books (much to Kow Fu Jonathan's dismay). Here's my plug for Sandra Boynton books by the way. If you're a parent of a baby and he/she does not have a Sandra Boynton book... get one!!! Her books are hysterical and the your infant will love the illustrations. Not only that, they're amusing for the parents who read them. It's humorous on a couple of levels so while you're reading that book for the millionth time, it'll make you crack a smile. (If you check out the link under my favorite things, you'll see!)

Her uncle Joe also bought her a book filled with colorful pages of Bible stories. That's something we read to her often. They're never too young for the Word.

People... Books.. Jesus.. great stuff for the little ones to start enjoying. I don't want her to miss out.

one little heartbeat at a time

Some days are tougher than others. I found this song really encouraging.

http://www.albumrankings.com/showSong.php?song_id=898676

this is what i miss by being a stay-at-home mom

I used to work at P.S. 1 in Chinatown. Turns out I'm missing out! Ummm... random to say the least? (Thanks Tania for the update!)

Richard Simmons helps schools shape up Fitness expert Richard Simmons works out with students at PS 1 in Chinatown

Students and teachers at PS 1 in Chinatown worked off holiday meals this week with help from a very special visitor. Celebrity fitness expert Richard Simmons led the school, along with students from nearby PS 126, in an hour-long session of stretching, dancing, and aerobics to the beats of Beyonce and Rihanna.When the exercises were over, Simmons gathered students into a circle for a discussion about the importance of staying fit, eating well, and respecting themselves.“I’ve visited a lot of schools,” he told the students, “but let me tell you, you guys are my favorite!"“It was so much fun,” PS 1 fifth grader, Jazmin Hawes, said. “It didn’t even feel like we were exercising.”“I learned a lot,” fourth grader, Althea Jackson Rosa, said. “I usually eat a lot of junk food, but now I know I have to keep my diet healthy.”Simmons travels around the country appearing on television programs and volunteering in schools to promote the importance of physical education. “The kids had so much fun,” said PS 1 principal Amy Hom, out of breath from the exercises. “And I loved it too. What a way to start the new year.”

- see original article at http://schools.nyc.gov/Home/InOurSchoolsToday/2008-2009/rsimmons.htm

first day of school

There's nothing like the first day of school. I know what you're thinking. what kind of overachieving mother would send their 8 month old to school? Before you think i'm completely nuts, let me clarify. It was more like, the first day of school for me.

We go through so many first day of school experiences. whether it's the actual first day of school or our first day of work (which is pretty similar to our first day of school except it's not quite as cute), usually the first thing on our minds is finding a friend. Today, my first day of school experience took place on the playground.

It was a beautiful day and after being cooped up for the majority of the winter, I decided to take jordan to the playground. thought it'd be a cute time for us to bond, take pictures, etc. as I strolled her down the sidewalk I noticed that there were a whole bunch of kids playing. I also noticed 5 or 6 moms with them. On a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of first day of school anxiety, this hit about an 8 or 9. Everyone seemed to have their niche and their group to "hang" with. And here I come, the new comer with her baby girl who can't even walk yet.

Then I thought, maybe this is what I asked the Lord for. Community. Friends. Interaction. and so I proceeded with Jordan to walk to the playground.

On our way back, I realized this will be the first of many and if my desire is for Jordan to be social and make friends with everyone, I'll have to overcome my nervousness. Her first day of kindergarten will be my first day of kindergarten. her first playdate will be my first playdate. and so on and so forth. Just like my first day of school except now, I need to be the adult and bring comfort to the situation. Mmm. Not as easy as it sounds even though I have close to 30 years on Jordan, but "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength".

What came of it?

A friend for Jordan and a friend for me. (Sorry no pics of the new buddies. Didn't want to completely freak them out - after all, we just met!)

I guess the first day of school isn't so bad after all.

Kitchen Floors

My father-in-law has been kind enough to help us tile our floors. Currently, they are covered by this gross looking vinyl. Any color ideas/suggestions are welcome. Walls are white & green. Please vote or comment to give us your opinion. Thanks.

crying it out

so i decided to try letting her cry and not going in at all. not even to lay her back down. it turns out, this has worked. at least for yesterday. jordan will cry for a max of 15 minutes and it's not continuous loud crying. and eventually, she'll settle down. this morning, she only cried for 5 minutes and then went to sleep. once though, she fell asleep sitting hunched over because she didn't find a way into a sleep position. :T i laid her back down and then she fussed, but slept. now i'm trying to figure out how to space her naps so she's getting sufficient rest at the right times.

the amazing part is we decided to try letting her cry when she fusses at night. the reason why we didn't do this before is we were afraid to wake the neighbors. however, it turns out that she fusses for a mere 5 minutes (at least last night) and then goes back to sleep. she didn't need us or the pacifier yesterday! thank God! i still was on edge and wanted to make sure everything was ok with her because i put a cuddle blanket in there with her. but she was fine.

i keep reminding myself to enjoy this as long as it lasts for because it won't last forever. she's not a robot and there will be waking moments again. but for now... she's sleeping like a baby.

at 8 months

at 8 months i thought i'd be more rested than what i am. just to clarify - that 8 months is jordan's age. she's a bundle of energy and we (james and i) are at a loss for how to tame the energizer bunny. she's made incredible progress in terms of milestones - she's barreled down that road and soon, she'll be walking. with that has come sleepless nights. ok, not completely sleepless but interrupted sleep. much like when she was a newborn. we don't know what to attribute it to and i'm slowly learning that there's no point in trying to attribute it to something. these little ones require much care be it night or day and the more i read the more i realize that almost everywhere else in the world, people don't worry about holding their babies too much or even expect their children to sleep through the night when they are less than a year old. what i have learned is that different conversations can make you feel like less of a mom because your baby isn't as good a sleeper or as good an eater as the next mom. BUT also know this, moms tend to forget. it's not intentional.. but they forget what it was like to be a mother of a newborn. and this makes sense. who wouldnt want to forget being sleep deprived and semi-zombie-like in action? and this is another reason for this blog. i don't want to forget. not so that i can hang it over my daughter's head when she's 13 and giving me a headache :) but for the sake of conversations with new moms. been there. it's painful. it's hard. and there's often no permanent solution, no magic pill. (i'm still in the middle of trying to accept this fact b/c i really do worry sometimes that she'll still need a pacifier when she's 4) and in the middle of it, i will say this - love them. love them with all your heart. i hear they grow up really fast.

He Walks With Us

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." - Isaiah 43:2

"Mmm. It's positive. Do you want to keep the baby?"

Those words changed my life. I was ecstatic as I called my husband to tell him we were expecting and then I made my way to Barnes and Nobles to buy the infamous What to Expect When You're Expecting. I felt different as I walked down the streets and pretty much wanted to stop everyone I passed to notify them of the life-changing news. Figuring that they might not have been as excited as I was, I settled for a few phone calls to close familly members.

Then we lost her. Two weeks later, the sonogram didn't show her heartbeat and we were devastated. That's the second time I saw my husband cry. I went through bouts of crying and had the deep rooted fear that something was wrong with me. When we discovered we were expecting again, we were delighted but scared. As things progressed, there were so many times I had feared the worst. I expereienced some bleeding and some early contractions. James and I chose to put our hope in the Lord with each moment.

All this to say that the Lord is extremely faithful. He was faithful as I carried both those babies. One I lost, and one I chase after everyday as she crawls around the apartment. He cried with us as tears of grief fell from our eyes and He laughed with us as we welcomed our daughter Jordan Noelle into the world. As Isaiah says, we WILL pass through water and fire. But He walks with us through that.

I started this blog simply to say that.

Jesus is faithful and He walks with us.